Thursday, June 5, 2014

Idiots and Assholes.

Great title huh?

Let me paint a picture for you.

You're on your way to work, taking kids to daycare, school, where ever they go when you're out doing your business for the day.  You back out of the driveway, get not even a quarter of a mile down the road, obviously getting up to speed quickly, no one behind you. asshole with an open truck bed and things strapped down onto it pulls out RIGHT IN FRONT of you. Forcing you to slam on your breaks lay on the horn. Then there is so much traffic in the other direction there's no contemplating going around him as asshole drives 25 in a 55 because of the open bed behind him.

Two miles from home you FINALLY get rid of him and turn off. Get kid to where ever with no incident.  On way to work however...

Turn onto on-ramp on major highway with a 70mph speed limit. Get behind guy that apparently can't find accelerator.  34 mph down on ramp and to ENTER the busy highway...

Genius dude, pure genius.

Get around him, and then back into right lane when some dumbass comes flying in out of nowhere... had to be going 100 up on my ass, tailgates me for a few seconds, jerks over into the left lane without looking, cuts off an SUV that was a car length and a half to my bumper. swerves around me, and proceeds to give me a dirty look and a nice one fingered wave as she drove by. While... holding cell phone to her left ear.

I was going 74...

Get to my exit. up onto the light, get through green light - miraculously-  as it still stays green, I AM behind traffic however. Another dude comes up to the left hand lane as we turn onto main road gets up on my ass, (Two left turn lanes onto the road) TRIES to blow past me on the right, only to see a couple car lengths up, Motorcycles all the way to Rotor Harley. HA! and traffic all behind me.  I don't know if or when he got to get over...

I'd like to quote Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black.

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it."

And then I'd like to disagree with him.

A person on their own is not smart, there are VERY few individuals who I find smart. And if they are book smart, a majority of the time they lack common sense.

Customer at day job today.  Don't know what was wrong with her, came in with a walker.  One of those roller fold up ones that they have now?

Like this:

Only without the seat part on it.  She was probably in her 40's VERY top heavy while her lower half looked like it'd been plucked from a size 2.

She slammed a shoe box down on the counter in front of me. "How much are these?"

-- now I get these types of questions all the fuckin time.  ALL The time. READ THE SIGNS YOU NITWITS! they're there.

Pull up sale screen, check the price. "They're ringing up at $69.99."

She glares at me. "Well. The sign back there says $55.99."

Cheerfully as I possibly can be, "Okay, well let me call back and have them verify."

I page shoes, and as I'm releasing the page she slams two fifty dollar bills on the counter and says "I don't want to wait, I"ll just take them." All attitude.

I said "Are you sure it won't take any time at all."

And she glares at me again, says "Yes, I'll get them anyway."

--- Figure now, she was just trying to get me to honor HER price 'cause she didn't think it was fair.

"Okay then, ma'am." quickly tap buttons, I want her out of my face. cash drawer pops open to give me change, here comes Keith. sweetheart that he is. I just caught his eye and shook my head quickly. Hand over change, which she stuffs into a bank envelope and then opens up her low hanging shirt to stuff down into her bra. I saw more of that woman's breast than I truly cared to -- need brain bleach.

RESTRAINED myself from saying "ma'am this is a family friendly store, can you not do that?"

THEN "I need you to help me out."

*Blank stare* "I'm sorry?" Thinking I didn't hear her properly.

"I need you to help me out."

Now I look back helplessly at the other cashier who just shrugs at me.  "Okay, what can I help you with?"

"You need to put my walker in my car."

...... Really? Woman, really? How the mother fuck did you get it OUT of your car to come into our store? Did it magically pop open? No, I think you took it out of your car, unfolded it, and walked your happy ass in here.

"okay ma'am."

Follow her out to her vehicle with the best plastered on smile I could manage. I get the thing into the back seat between the driver's seat and the back bench. Set shoes on seat, inform customer where they are.

"NO! You give those to me!"

Swallow snarky remark, swallow snarky remark, don't say it don't say it, you like your job!

"Okay, I apologize." then I hand the shoes up to her.

She keeps me waiting there for FOUR minutes as she adjusts herself to finally say -- and I kid you not-- "I"m done with you now."

Bite tongue, shove out as much cheer as I can as I say "You're welcome, and thank you so much for shopping at ****"  (Store name 'bleeped' out, some know where I work, but let's not broad cast.)

I hope she caught my sarcasm.

There's a lesson to me learned here.  If you need someone's help, it's better to be nice, and you'll have it returned to you, be a bitch and you'll get fake cheer, and HELL of a lot of sarcastic undertones. Bite me.

Then there's the constant idiots that just cannot read signs properly, and cannot wrap their head around the clearly stated ad that says "Spend $50 and you get $10 back" That's a THING with our store.  It explains it clear as fuckin day in the paper ads, and our TV commercials are even better. it says "To use on a future in store or online purchase - some exclusions may apply"

There are some days I let people get away with a shit ton of stuff.  I really mean that, within my limits of COURSE but I'm the nicest cashier in there. 
Other days, or even other customers within the same day, I will be the worst, strictest cashier you'll come across. 
And it all depends on how you're going to treat me when you walk up to MY register.
Oh and let me tell you how I LOOOOOVE hearing in a bichy tone "You've done it for me before!"
Bitch. No. I. Have. Not.
I recognize EVERY customer I wait on. EVERY face. You have not been at my register before so don't you look at me like I"M fucking betraying you because you want to use two percentages off on a purchase, and we have NEVER allowed that.  Employees aren't even allow to do that!

Also... when you're in your car, pay attention to your surroundings, seriously.  Be mindful of distances in which you put your vehicles in front of someone else. Whether it be turning left, or pulling out in front of someone. AND if you insist on pulling out in front of someone at a close distance, hit the damn accelerator to the speed limit. Don't be an ass.

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