Monday, July 7, 2014

Not True Blood recap... it's coming later!

This is however just some stuff I need to get off my chest. 

I have had lots of "Friends" "Good Friends" "Close Friends" in the last eleven years of my life.  BUT... In those 11 years I've had three people I considered a "Best Friend"

One of them takes and takes and takes and takes and never gives anything back, and can't even call me her best friend. No matter what.  She was there for me twice in our seven year friendship. I called her best friend for four years. never heard it back. 

Another stabbed me in the back, tried to take my boyfriend at the time from me, spread some really nasty shit about me to cause a rift between my current boyfriend and I.... I dropped her before the rumor mill started, thank God, 'cause I probably would have killed her.

The final one... I've spoken of in my blog before.  The on again off again best friend who constantly projects his grief and misery to me? yeah, him.

I've got some good friends right now, but no best friends.... none. I haven't had a best friend since 2002. ... so... make that twelve years.
I don't know what it is exactly that I'm doing wrong.... picking the wrong people... being the 'wrong' kind of crazy...

Right now I DO have a best friend, but it's not like having a best girlfriend to sit and eat tons of chocolate with and watch goofy movies with.  I've never experienced that friendship I had with four girls in high school since I lost them due to my asshole ex husband. 
Brian is my best friend right now.  I can rely on him for everything and anything, cry on his shoulder, he keeps me strong.  But I don't have a best girlfriend that I can call up and say "Hey I need to talk" without it switching around to their side of things right in the middle of me ranting about something. 

That puts a really heavy weight on my heart. I really don't know how to handle it.

Doesn't help that I'm missing my kids like crazy right now too.

I suppose that's why in every book I've written so far (except one) the women have a STRONG friendship with two or more other women, they can lean on them for anything and are like family.
The one exception though the female lead has one best friend, and she's like her sister. 
Regardless it's always like family. 
I don't have that. 
Not anymore.

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