So, I'm sitting here tonight musing over the exact moment I knew I had a good man with Brian.
I cannot possibly pin point the EXACT moment. I have a photogenic memory when it comes to our relationship - as most women seem to - and there wasn't just one moment in time where I sat back and went "yeah, he's a good man" or "I got a keeper" I KNEW he was, but it never really did that I hit a brick wall thing. It was just a slow realization.
So... I felt like compiling a list of ways to tell you have a good man.
#1 - Even with all your faults, he still sticks around.
In the beginning, Brian and I just messed around on weekends when I didn't have my kids. That's all it was, just a friends with benefits thing. I was interested in another guy, and so I really did everything I could to push Brian away. I stuffed my face, I belched like a trucker, and cursed like a sailor. He didn't care. In fact I think he actually liked that I was that comfortable. We would go get take out and I wouldn't get a dainty chicken sandwich, "Because I"m watching my weight!" Nuh-uh. I dove into a burger or a HUGE Arby's roast beef sandwich. When I didn't eat, he knew something was wrong. I was open and showed my "I just want to be one of the guys" type of girl. That's who I am. And you know what? He loved it -- still does.
Never once did he try to tell me he didn't want to hear it, or that it was "disgusting". Never once did he expect me to be a prim and proper lady, because he knew it wasn't me. He never expects me to be something I'm not, or try to change my faults
#2 - You can go through an emotional roller coaster, and he doesn't think you're nuts.
Ladies, we are seriously the most emotional beings on Earth. We can laugh one second, be crying the next, and go on a murder spree two seconds after that. And if he can laugh with you, hold you while you cry, and get the hell out of your way as you go up and down the hills without blinking an eye, congrats. You found a keeper.
#3 - He'll hand over money without blinking an eye.
Don't take this out of context, ladies. I don't mean you say "gimme money" and he does it. No, no, no. What I mean... is your car is broken down with a flat tire, and being a weirdo like you are, you don't have a jack and tire iron, he goes out to buy you one, and a blanket to keep you warm because it's cold outside. Or... another car incident, brake line ruptured (coincidentally right after a court appearance where things didn't really go your ex's way...) And to fix it, it'll take $360 while you're struggling, trying to think of a way to fix the damn thing, he checks his bank account and goes to withdraw $200 you need to make up the difference.
he buys you things you need for your apartment, or helps you buy your kids clothes, or food. You're getting ready to take the kids to the movies, and he asks... "Do you need cash?" offering to pay for the movie.
The tip here... never EXPECT it from your man. NEVER. Be self reliant to be able to handle shit like that yourself, and be grateful when he offers to help. -- oh, and the good ones will never ask for monetary repayment.
#4 - No matter what you think about yourself, he always compliments you.
He doesn't do it in that "I love you so I need to say this" type of way. NO. You've put on weight and are trying really hard to take it off. and even though you're back up into a size 12, he still tells you you're beautiful. and you KNOW you just KNOW he means it.
#5 - He doesn't take you for granted!
He doesn't just look past everything you do around the house with three budding careers, three kids, and a household to run. If you just get the dishes done, or manage to scrub the shower, he thanks you for it. He recognizes you doing something and he THANKS YOU.
Real men don't just expect you to do everything. Real men can also pick up that dish rag, or broom of vaccuum and fucking clean something!
Lemme tell you, Every night at my grandparent's home my Grandma cooks, Grandpa washes dishes. EVERY NIGHT. Sometimes they would do them together, but a majority of the time, Grandpa does them. Why? Because he appreciates her. He loves her, and she cooked, so why can't he clean up too? But the big thing... Appreciation.
#6 - This one'll be rare.... He knows when he screwed up!
No man likes to admit he was wrong. NONE. But... there will be those few unicorn-esque men that will admit it when he is. He may not like it, but he'll admit it.
Sometimes... he'll even be able to sense it without you outwardly saying anything!
With Brian and I, we've developed this connection with each other, that even when he is sleeping and hasn't been around me all day, he knows when I'm upset. He knows when something is bothering me.
The last time was when he told me to wake him up to go out to dinner one night, and then the next morning he was griping about having to get up early and not getting a day off. Well because of the mixed signals, I said screw it, and let him sleep. He ended up having a nightmare that I left. Those nightmares will pop up for him when he can sense something is wrong with me. When he knows I"m upset at something he did. We talk about it, and he did apologize for sending mixed signals. He also did not twist the issue around to the fact that I didn't wake him up. No, he apologized for making me feel conflicted. What man DOES THAT?
In my experience, every time there was an issue, It was my fault. No matter what. here are some prime examples: I got my feelings hurt by something he said? Oh that's my fault for not having thicker skin. "Don't think that way, because I didn't mean it that way."
"Stop taking things I"m saying out of context." "What other context is there to 'You've put on weight'?" "Just don't be so damn sensitive."
"No, I did not mean you'd have to CHANGE. I just asked you to get baptized." "......"
#7 - He will accept ANY choices you make for YOUR life.
My ex freaked out on me when I started researching Wicca. It was free, unrestricted, and it felt like the right fit for me. I wasn't expected to be someone I wasn't. The guy I was after before Brian? Yeah, he was the one that said those things in #6. Every single one of them.
I attempted to go back to school, ex husband tried -- and succeeded to keep me from going back.
I wanted to work outside the home. he FORBADE it. Yes, forbade it.
Brian? Gave me the cash I needed to take my entrance exams today. He's supporting me 100% offering to help me study if I need it. He's 100% supportive of my candle business. and my Getting published, the genre I write in... everything.
I decided to take that walk down the Wiccan path, he didn't say anything other than "Don't cast spells, that's all I ask." I told him if I felt it necessary, I would do it. and I have, and informed him that any spells I cast were for protection. He's cool with it. Completely.
If I missed anything, please let me know. I got four hours of sleep last night and here I am... Up until the time I got to sleep LAST night. again... What is WRONG with me? LOL