Drama, drama, drama....

You'd think since I left the chiropractic office I wouldn't be subjected to their never ending litany of bullshit.

..... You'd think.

However, that's not the case as last week I checked my bank account to see if my douchebag ex had actually paid his child support (He hadn't). Not only did I not have the child support, I was also over drawn by $207!!!

Immediately I'm thinking, how in the hell can this be? Did Bug click something on her Kindle again? Did she make a bunch of purchases?! No, no, no, this can't be happening!

But no, it wasn't my daughter, and it certainly WAS happening. My former employer put a stop payment order on my paycheck! Not only did she take back 202.67, but caused a $12 fee for the chargeback, AND a lovely $33 overdraft fee! I was keeping $37 in my account after getting a bill paid so I could get my meds. and then I couldn't even get THAT!

Overdrawn by $207 and a handful of change, my heart stopped and I thought I was having a full on panic attack. Maybe I was, who knows... But I went down to the bank and tried to sort it out, nothing that could be done since it came from a different bank.

So... I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I sent out a text.

*Boss's name*, I got to find out today you issued a stop payment on the paycheck I received 1/4. I am aware of the whys in the matter, however, that check was also short $225 for referrals. Now I know I clearly wrote my daughter's name, my mother's name and *patient name* - a friend of the family's name on the time sheet. My not receiving that I had considered my debt to you repaid. In stopping that check, you have now made it impossible for me to get needed medication, and overdrew my account. I worked for that money and I am entitled to it. I want another check cut for the $202.67 that I'm owed, and you can consider the unpayment of the three referrals as making whatever you think I owe you finished. 

Well, not only did I not receive a message back, but I also didn't get any notification that she intended to do anything of the sort. 

The next day I got a phone call from her while I was writing (attempting, not succeeding). It went to voice mail, but she didn't leave a message. I was too pissed off to do anything to return the contact until the following day, in which I figured, if there is going to be a conversation I'm going to have physical proof that she doesn't intend on giving me what I"m rightfully entitled to. 

So, another text was sent.

I see you attempted to call me yesterday. I don't think there's anything to say on this issue. It's very clear what needs to happen. If you feel the need to clarify which references to which I was owed, *Bug's name*, *Mom's name*, and *Patient name*. Your daughter also promised I would get referral credit for *J's full name*, but I wasn't holding my breath on that. I expected a paycheck for my final 6 days Monday, plus the $202.67 you retracted unlawfully. 

This is all I believe needs to be said, but if you feel the need to add anything, it will need to be done through text.

I then received nothing over the weekend, and nothing yesterday... payday. So... one more text went out this morning. 

I do truly hope my final paycheck is waiting at the Sandusky office for me. If it is not, I wish to direct you to, www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/final-paycheck-employee-rights-chart-29882.html

Truly you had until the 15th for it by legality's sake. 

Nothing in return. Apparently radio silence is what I'm going to be getting. 

MMKay then. Let's play hardball, lady. 

Tomorrow I don't have my kids as they'll be back in school (FINALLY!!!! this has been a LONG weekend) So I'll be making a trip down there to get that check. Here's hoping they won't try to be stupid and make me take them to small claims court. Because I will do it. I"m also willing to look up previous LMTs from the Sandusky office and see exactly why they left. I'm intrigued. Especially considering the language used toward me, and the language used to explain why Morgan left. 

Of course I will keep the blog updated on what happens. I have a feeling I"m about to fight a battle. I don't think I'm ready for it either. 

Confrontations and delays.

So, following up from Friday's post about Bug's school issues, the fiance and I did indeed go to the school yesterday afternoon and sat down with the guidance counselor. She seemed oblivious as to my irritation, until I started speaking about Bug's issues. Then she understood, but kept bringing it around to the conversation I had with Mr. K. That wasn't the issue, and I told her that, but it really didn't seem to sink in.

The biggest issue now is M and C and how they've been bullying my daughter. GC told me that she'd actually spoken to the principal Friday about it, and insisted that the girls needed some sort of discipline. Thank the gods.

I strongly.... well... let me rephrase... DEMANDED that all four girls be brought together in the same room, parents be contacted and brought in, as many as possible, and she, and the principal need to sit in on this. If these girls see all these adults brought together over their actions, maybe it'll stress enough to them that what they're doing -- M&C's bullying, and K's lying -- is WRONG.

During this meeting, I want Mr. K there so he and I can explain our conversation, and let Mr K see his daughter's behavior first hand. I REALLY want Mrs. K to be there as well to see what the lack of discipline has made her child into. BUT Mr. K works for the school district, I know he'll at least be present. So K's words will be outed to the girls who swear K isn't lying.

The guidance counselor is 100% for the meeting with these girls, yet she's still going to stress that not only should this meeting take place but the girls need disciplined as well. I'm in complete agreement. Hopefully the fiance will be able to be present.

I looked the GC in the eyes and said, "I'm urging you to have this meeting set up by the end of the week. Preferably before Friday. Because if this isn't taken care of and finished by the end of the week, I will be back in here, and I will take matters into my own hands." Her eyes widened at me, but my "I'm not fucking kidding" look in my eyes shut her up. I finished with "MY daughter - who takes care of her own business herself - is begging me to step in. Either you help me intervene, or I"ll do it myself."

All the GC could do was say "Understood."

Mutha fucka, I will fuck yo shit up! 

However.... I was expecting to hear from the principal today, but because Ohio forgot how to Winter appropriately... School was closed. So here's hoping I hear from her tomorrow, and this meeting can take place on Thursday. We'll see.

I will put an end to this. Hands are no longer tied, The Tigermom is out.

Hopefully soon I won't have to worry about the girls anymore, and Bug can go back to having a peaceful school environment.

And then we can go back to this instead:

I haven't gotten to write much in the last couple of days, but I need to, badly. Just housework and everything else catching up with me *cries* 

OH! I'm also starting a project with a friend of mine, he runs an IT business here in town, and OMG his office is an OCD nightmare. I don't even have OCD and I twitch going in there. So I'll be organizing it for him and his business partner. I'm makin' em pay me too! LOL Gonna see if they'll be alright letting me post up before and after pics :) 

Til tomorrow! Send some energy my way, would ya? 

A mother's job is never done.

I do everything I can to be a good mom. I'm told that I'm an amazing one, doing a great job with my kids, praised on how well behaved they are in public. I strive to have decent kids who'll grow into responsible and respectful adults. I saw a quote once, I believe it was from Louis CK - I'm raising the adults they will become. I hadn't given it much thought until I read that quote, but it fits my parenting style exactly. I'm working hard to teach them importance of staying on task, teaching them much needed lessons that I didn't have as a child.

I was my mom's only kid, so naturally I was spoiled. But that also meant I had to learn lessons the hard way. The VERY hard way. I want my kids prepared. So I step in very little to help solve problems. I want them to figure it out for themselves, make them think about why something is happening, and what they can do to fix it. Whether it's a toy not cooperating, a fight with a sibling, or even homework. I'll check homework of course, but I want THEM to do it. I had my fill of homework, thank you very much. It's their turn to learn, and how will they learn if I step in and do it for them? Simply giving a child the answer won't help them learn anything.

However...

That being said, my oldest has been having some serious issues this year. It started last year at some point, where her friend K had been telling Bug that her mother didn't like her and Mrs K didn't want bug over there, and didn't want to let K over here to play over the summer. K said many things to Bug that hurt her feelings - though she didn't show it, but as a mom, you can see it in their eyes - but she didn't let it stop her being friends with K.

There was another girl, A, who bullied K relentlessly. Bug was friends with A until she witnessed the bullying happening, then stood up for K, effectively ending that friendship. -- so I was told. Go back to about a month ago, I'm trying to get Bug's friends here for her birthday -- poor girl born 3 days after Christmas... it's not easy for her to have parties. No one RSVPs to her NYE party. It upset ME because I know Bug was upset even if she didn't let it really show.

What upset me more was hearing that K's mother was getting very vocal about Bug, and telling K -- who relayed to Bug -- that Mrs K despised her and didn't want K having ANYTHING to do with Bug. Well that set my hackles up. Mama bear has NOTHING up against Tiger mom. I politely sent a text to Mrs K asking if we could speak to get to the bottom of what was going on, and apologized for Bug if there was something she had done to offend her. Kids will be kids, yanno? Nothing in return. I texted a few more times, NOTHING. Finally two days later I get a call from Mr K. She couldn't even talk to me herself, she sent her husband to talk to me -- who has NO idea what's going through his wife's head or what's going on with his daughter.

He and I spoke, and he informed me that not only has K been lying to Bug about what the mother has been saying, but she's been feeding them a bunch of crap as well. Saying that" A has been staying the night here every weekend, and that we're part of the Illuminati and that A's parents are devil worshippers, and that's why we all get along so well." DIRECT quote from the father. That pissed me the hell off. I let it be known, loud and clear that his daughter is a liar, and perhaps it's time he have an actual talk with her, whether or not he wants to get into the girl drama or not, his daughter is lying to them.

Fast forward to after winter break. Bug is now having issues, because she overheard the conversation between the father and I. She knows everything K has been saying about her, and I know it hurt her down to her soul. She feels betrayed, and I can't help but watch all of this unfold and see the hell I went through my senior year in high school playing out all over again. Bug has two more friends. M and C. C refused to acknowledge ANYTHING from Bug over break, and come to find out it's because K has been lying to C about Bug as well. Then M steps into it, I think she was trying to be peace maker, but when Bug informed M that K has been lying all this time, none of them will believe Bug. She's been trying to talk to the guidance councilor about all of this, pull the girls all down there and talk it out, but it's not going well.

This morning she begged me to come down to the school and talk to K, C, and M and tell them about the conversation had with the father. I told her I can't just go down there and pull three girls who are not related to me out of their classes, no matter how badly I may want to to attempt to stop this foolishness.

Told her that she needs to go to Mrs James first thing this morning when she gets off the bus. Well, apparently she's not easy to find in the morning, so I suggested her going to the office and asking them to page her. Wellll... then she'd have to talk to the new principal instead. I just looked at her and asked her if she really wanted this crap done with. Of course she does... "Then do what you need to do to end this, because I hate seeing you hurting. Do what you have to, and if I'm called, I'll be there in a heart beat." She's worried that if she goes to the principal all the parents will be called. Well, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's what's needed to get all this business into the open.

But regardless, until I get a phone call from the school, I can't do anything to help my baby. It breaks my heart, and puts me on the verge of tears for her. I know this whole situation is bothering her, and hurting her in ways she can't even understand yet. If this concludes with the three girls ceasing their friendship with Bug, I don't know how she'll trust people. For her, with the crap she's been through in the last four years... a lot of it is my fault, moving her around to three different schools in three years... divorcing her father... She's been through hell. and I can do what I need to to try to make things better for her here, encourage her to join clubs and do what she loves to do... But it doesn't mean that she'll adjust easily. it doesn't mean that it'll help her ability to allow people in. She barely lets me in.

Only once has she completely broken down and sobbed in my arms. Oct of 2014. When she gave up on her father because he wasn't showing up for his weekend visitation. I think that's a main reason why she had been keeping the fiance at arm's length for so long. Her own father turned his back on her... who the hell is this new guy, and if her father could do that, he can to, can't get too close.

It just breaks my heart that she's had to grow up and mature as fast and as early as she has. I take the blame for it, believe that I do.

But taking the blame doesn't take her hurt away. It doesn't stop girls from betraying her, it doesn't stop the distrust that will inevitably form in her heart, if it's not there already.

I'm doing my best... but sometimes it feels as if my best isn't enough.

Diva Drama

So, like I said in my last post, I'm in LOVE with the WWE Universe. I love the matches, and everything attached to it. I used to be this into it when I was like five and my man was Hulk Hogan. 

I kinda have an obsession with Total Divas too. 

I'm gonna give my two cents on the season 4 premiere today. 

First, I'm gonna start off with the Nattie storyline. 

FIERCE BABY!!

Nattie wants a new look, she wants to switch things up, and who could blame her? She's fucking fantastic. Sometimes, yes, she can be overly dramatic and out there, but on S4E1 she is rethinking her look. She even goes to a sex toy shop... and Nattie... honey, never touch a butt plug again... 

But then... going shoulders deep into researching this new look she wants to have, Nattie invites a dominatrix into her home, and this woman... I have to wonder if it WAS a woman, holy hell. 

YIKES!!!!

This woman was crazy. Took TJ down and was ordering him around, seemingly without even asking permission. I think any Domme would know better than to not get permission before doing some shit like that. that was horrible. But Nattie's new look is fierce as hell and fantastic. 

Now... time to dig down into the nitty gritty. This episode was chock full of drama drama drama. 

So, from start of episode, these girls plus Alicia Fox meet up for brunch to catch up and the main focus is the girls wanting to change up their look in front of the Bella twins who were last seen deciding whether or not to renew their contracts. But there is a lil comment about one not pictured and not at the brunch, Eva Marie. It's said that she's at the performance center training in Florida. 

Next thing we know, Nattie is being told by Mark Carrano, the shady son of a bitch that she doesn't really need to worry about changing up her look because it's a PG show, and they're getting Eva back again soon. And why is that? Because she's in LA with a personal trainer. 

Let's break that comment down. 

Eva told all the girls she was going to Florida to the performance center to train with NXT -- what's SUPPOSED to happen. That she was going cross country from where she lives to get back in shape from the emergency surgery she had to have. 

While other divas have worked their asses off, paid their dues, put in their time, trained with NXT, in batting cages, in canning warehouses, Eva gets a personal trainer and gets to sleep in her own bed at night. 

Now I've seen so many comments with people saying how wrong the girls are for bashing Eva... 

Well, not really! Let's think about this. 

Brie has put off having babies that she desperately wants for her career. She's been taken away from her husband when he's gone through neck surgery. 

Trinity has redone her look, broken away from female tag team, and being strictly ring side, and has been in the running to Divas Championship now. 

Paige is British. She doesn't get to see her family much because they're in England, and she's here in the states. She's on the road 250 days a year, barely sleeps in her own bed, pays for a place she barely gets to enjoy. 

Eva? Eva's been catered to, only been in the company for two years. She was a model before hand, she cannot perform or act to save her life, she's boring to watch. She gets to stay where she lives, sleep in her own bed, and have her own personal trainer, and Carrano tells Nattie that they've got big plans for her. 

In real terms? They're pushing Eva up over Nattie who has been in the company forever, Over Trinity who has put in the work, over Paige who is a TWO TIME champ! and what the FUCK has she done to deserve that? 

Well, anyone with half a brain who knows anything about the WWE... You don't get that kind of push without doing something for someone high up. Catch my drift? 

Then Eva catches wind of this... ala Trinity, whom I don't understand why the hell she was standing up for Eva when Eva hasn't done SHIT to deserve this special treatment. Eva plays the victim and tells a ring girl that they're ganging up on her, that they knew she was going to be in LA... NOPE. At the beginning of the ep, one of the twins says straight out, Eva's at the performance center. That means they were told Florida.

Not Cool. 

People say that Nikki should step up her game if she's worried about Eva taking her place. But that's not the thing at all, if anyone cared to pay attention to what was actually said in the episode, it's about paying your dues, putting the damned time in and EARNING that belt. Not having it handed to you because you fucked or sucked your way to the top. 

Eva has always been shown in a very negative light on Total Divas, though she does seem VERY selfish, and only cares about herself, even in her marriage. She only cares about herself. She's out for fame and fortune, and unfortunately for her, now that the girls know about this push, there'll be a lot of "Accidental" injuries coming Eva's way. 

Now her all red everything has painted a target on her back. 

Diva drama in the house.

And yeah, that has truly become my life lately as well. 

I've had a massive blow to the gut this year as far as loss with family goes. Mr Ashley lost his remaining two grandparents. 

I lost my step mom, one of the kindest most gentle souls I've ever known. It was sudden and horrible. A gun shot wound that the coroner ruled a suicide. I don't know what to believe with it. She was an amazing actress, she hid the things my father did to her for so long. She hid the bruises the emotional trauma from everyone. But she lived for her work, taking care of kids, she loved kids. She ran a daycare out of her home. She watched her grandkids on a daily basis. She was loved, she knew she was loved, so much, by so many. 

But why did she have the gun? Why was it loaded? Why did she send her boyfriend a text fifteen minutes before he was supposed to call her to say she loved him, only to not pick up the phone fifteen minutes later? Too many whys and not enough answers. 

I'm still grieving, still trying to put my life back together and move forward. And just when I'm working on that upswing, I also have the looming deadline on my grandpa's life. The man I see as a dad rather than a grandpa. A man I looked up to all my life. A man whose best childhood memories revolved around. A man who only raised his voice to me once in my life. A man I love more than words can possibly say. A man who took care of me, supported me, trusted me, cared for me, raised me,... I can't imagine my life without him in it. He was always there, he was always immortal to me. 

Three years ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He took the proper steps, even went through surgery to remove half of his right lung. He then a year later helped me move into my current home. He was strong and fit, and was doing damned good. 

Until a year ago. They came home from Florida and once again he was sick, pneumonia and/or bronchitis again. Stubborn, unrelenting, he went in to get treated, and then found out that the cancer came back. He spent all last summer going through chemo. fought to continue taking treatments when they went back down to Florida for the winter. We weren't sure if he was going to make it home alive. 

All my mother did this entire time was talk about how he was going to die this year, and how horrible it was, and how close she got to him and how no one understands how she feels. I don't even understand how she feels. 

That started driving a wedge between us and I couldn't have the same shit over and over again in my ear. I just couldn't do it. 

As 2015 came and started passing by me, She continued this. even on his birthday three days after mine. "Grandpa doesn't have long." over and over again until I called a halt to it and walked out. 

She's always just texted me information and updates. 

A month ago she did that when hospice was called in. No nice easy, "hey call me when you can, it's about grandpa." No. her text read, "Hospice has been called in. Grandpa has 2 to 3 months to live." No empathy at all. I broke down in class and had to leave early. 

Today, another text from her. "Your grandfather has a week left, nurse told gramma today." [sic]

Absolutely no empathy. cold and heartless. It was always Gramps. ALWAYS. after I turned like 10 I called him gramps. always referred to him that way. Since my step mom passed -- a day before thanksgiving no less-- she has been cold and heartless, because of this exact same thing. She texted me the news instead of calling me. 

I"m sick and tired of her selfish attitude, no one cares about me, no one understands what I am going through. 

I escape... I find an escape, because this fucking reality I'm living in sucks. Losing my dad sucks. facing that sucks. I hate it, I hate when people try to tell me "it's God's will" Well you know what? If God was merciless or if there was a damned god in the first place, he wouldn't allow his people to suffer. He wouldn't let a good man like my gramps to be suffering like this. barely able to breathe, hurting, forgetting things from lack of oxygen to his brain. He wouldn't.... 

If there was any mercy in this world my gramps wouldn't be in this much pain. It wouldn't be this hard to let go. 

In a perfect world, we would be immortal. we wouldn't have to live without the ones we love. But this world isn't perfect. We can only take what we're given, we can take what we work for and what we earn, and try our damnedest to make the best of it. It's all we can do because we aren't immortal. 

Mortality it what we were given. 

That is the reality. 

Even if it's a harsh one.