So it's been a couple of minutes here...

It really has been a while since I've written anything. It's my fault for letting this blog go. Different name writing here, but it is the same person.

Things have been progressing ..... as expected really.

When I last updated the Dirty Doms anthology had just come out, and I was all excited about that.

I have had another book come out since then. One of my babies got published, Destiny. The one that Samhain declined on. Carina declined on it as well, and that did hurt. I wish I could say I understood, because I really didn't. Maybe it was too rough.... I don't know. I am, however very proud of Destiny.

It is on Amazon, and you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Destiny-Healing-Springs-Publishing-Menage-ebook/dp/B01LOUM674

I've been working on my joint venture a lot with my partner in crime. This music has been inspiring me for it, Been listening to it a lot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_3my8LvliU&list=PLkCUAVh5YPvuoRDyW6tJuY2p8TSlqvtB5

It's a fun playlist, each of the characters in the band that's a part of the novel has claim to the songs. :) It means something to each of them, and it help to make them that much more fleshed out.

Kids have been doing well, Bug will be in 8th grade in the fall and I can't believe it really. I'm also a very proud momma as she got voted in as Student Council President. It's amazing :)

Tiger will be in fifth grade, and will be able to start band if she chooses to go that route in the winter time. I think she's going to want to try... She tries everything... and will be in a volleyball league this summer. She's excited for that.

Angel will be moving up to the intermediate school, going into the 3rd grade.

The Mr and I are still ridiculously in love, no we haven't tied the knot yet. Truly we don't need the piece of paper, because a marriage is a relationship between two people that love each other. And we've got that without the paperwork. He is the kid's step-dad without the paperwork stating so.

I've had people try to tear apart what he and I have, trying to plant things into my head that just are not true, I couldn't deal anymore and had to recut people out of my life. Too much.... just too... too much.

But I don't want to end on a bad note.



Y'all wanna see what I've been working on? Here's a little excerpt:

https://www.facebook.com/authorjordanashley/posts/1795497907176575

I had to do it that way ^^ because it wasn't wrapping properly. I don't know why. UGH!

And if you made it through that, here are some of the places and faces that inspire this saga

https://www.pinterest.com/Writermom2010/boston-pack-saga/

OHH how I loathe Back to School shopping....

  That dreaded time is here again. Back to school shopping. With the endless freakin' supply lists and the new clothes...

When the HELL did my 8 year old transition to size THREE shoes?! 

And the mommy pulling her hair out because she had to buy 40 damned glue sticks!! Yes you read that right FORTY!!!

Add in the ridiculous amount of pencils and markers... and crayons... -- do kids seriously use THAT many in a school year?!

Is my son REALLY going to use all 30 of his glue sticks and is it seriously necessary to get them ALL in August?!

Now see... I was smart this year and shopped the week after it all was put out. I didn't wait until tax free weekend. I got all the colored pencils and crayons and markers my kids needed and didn't need to go "ARE WE SERIOUSLY OUT OF MARKERS?!" ... 'cause yes, yes they were. and sets of watercolor paints with 8 colors, not ten or 16... 8. we were LUCKY to stumble upon the 8 set among the chaos of those three aisles.

And I do understand that the teachers aren't paid NEARLY enough to get supplies for their rooms. so through the year I'll buy things like sanitizer and tissues and send them in with a kid just randomly.

But I draw the damned line at getting items which will be SHARED by all the damned kids. Uh, no. I buy supplies with my meager paychecks and meager child support -- which ought to be raised in August just so that good for nothing bastard could be forced to help pay for the supplies and clothes but nooooooooo--.... I digress.

I buy MY children the supplies THEY will need. And I get times are tough. But if I can buy my kids the supplies I know they'll need. So can the mom who pays a mortgage on her 300K home with her Iphone and 2016 model car, kids in designer clothes because they're in this specific school district.... My kid's school district is known as the "rich school" ... or it was until the district started open enrollment, which meant the poor families living in rent controlled apartments in the slums of the city we're a township in the suburb of could enroll their kids in our district, but they wouldn't get picked up by the busses.

Truthfully, I'm all for it. Let those kids get a better education by getting into the better school. BUT.

When the parents who DO live in the district get their silk lined panties in a twist because the school needs more money, because they have a lot of welfare kids getting free lunches in the school and need to raise taxes by a marginal percent for a school levy, that's where I have issues. Those silver spoon wielding asshats suddenly don't give two shits about the schools their kids are going to. NO they won't shell out $50 more dollars a YEAR (that's what it would have amounted to this past March) so the schools can fix the shit that's getting broken or install AIR CONDITIONING so the kids don't have heat stroke in June and August - September when they're in school because of the global warming these dumbasses say is all made up and hokum.

And then we all end up with these ridiculous supply lists and get to read this....

Screen shot of the online supply list for my 6th grader.... Please note the ridiculous 7 items that will be in home room and SHARED?! Uhh no. If I'm buying stuff for my kid. It's staying with my kid. Also... please note, the TWO packs of colored pencils they all are required to bring in. One to share, one for personal use.

All three of my kids needed dry erase markers. .... Only ONE of them has their own little dry erase board to use at their desk. So guess who they're for?! Yup. the fuckin' teachers. My kids have TOLD me.... "We don't keep them at our desks, they go to the teachers and she uses them." ..... You mean to tell me that damned teacher can't afford $7 for TWO packages of five dry erase markers that SHOULD last her the entire school year?! Wanna know how I know?

My teacher used three dry erase markers -- a green, a red, and a black -- for an entire 12 month period  writing notes on the board drawing models, playing memory games on our white board. for 104 class days.

I can hear you now.. "Well our kids are in school 180 days! for 6 hours!" ... yeah, but let's do the math here... THREE markers lasted through 104 classes, let's say at 3 hours for that ONE class. that's 312 hours. breaking it back down... 104 hours per marker.

TEN dry erase markers. at 180 school days, at 5 hours. (I say at five, my kids are in school 6 hours. and that is PUSHING it because of a close to an hour lunch, hour long specials where the kids aren't even IN her classroom.... you get the gist.) 180 X 5? 900 hours. that's 90 hours per marker. You see the logic here? BUT the classrooms have 24 kids in it, each kid could bring a back of anywhere from 4 - 8 markers. let's go median and say 6 markers per kid for this teacher -- that's 144 damned markers!!

You're telling me that shit doesn't add up, and she shouldn't have EXTRAS by now? She should have a shit ton of those fuckers built up in a huge ass storage tote somewhere.

That is 144 dry erase markers EVERY year! Considering the average length of a teaching career is.... -- well the NEA says 46% quit after 5 years... but in my district there hasn't been a new opening for teachers in 10 years... I'm going with MY knowledge of this district. -- about 10 years.... that's over  a THOUSAND dry erase markers these bitches should have saved up!

They may need 8 markers a year.... which after 5 years they could put... Boys or girls only bring in the markers... not EVERY damned student. and that's IF.... IF she uses those markers for 5 hours STRAIGHT EVERY school day!

But not in my district, oh no, because we have SCHEDULED two hour early releases and delays for "Additional training for the teachers...." ..... mm-hmm. okay. And honestly I HIGHLY doubt my kids go to school for 180 days. NOR are they in school for 1170 hours (For the mid level students 3rd-5th).

** Cue Jeopardy music whilst I work out the math by looking at the school calendar for the year**

Okay. Added all up, 175 scheduled days -- they DON'T have their inservice days and the delays/early releases scheduled yet. That's 1050 hours. NOT including the scheduled different days, field trips, special events that take them out of the classroom.

Given the levys that HAVE passed in the past they all have the smart boards... which they COULD utilize, but don't. Instead... they'll just hit up the parents for Dry erase markers, index cards, clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, tissues, ziplock baggies.

I understand the teachers not supplying the students with notebooks, pencils, crayons etc.... but teacher specific items should be a HUGE no no to insist on having the parents buy.

Now, I've read blogs, and comments from teachers which state that it's optional, you don't have to get them. THEN PUT IT IN AN "Optional/classroom donations" SECTION!!!! DO NOT put it at the TOP of the list, or stick it in on the bottom of the supply list that makes it seem as if it IS required.

Just for my three kids.... the teachers all want 6 boxes of tissues, 4 TUBS Clorox wipes, 2 packs Ziplock bags, 16 dry erase markers, a package of card stock ---- SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!??!?!!?!!!!!, and finally 4 packs of 3X5 index cards. And I'm well aware... those are for THEM. not the kids. NOT OKAY!

and once again refer to the above screen shot supply list for my 6th grader. Supplies for the WHOLE classroom, Not specifically for my kid. This is utter bullshit.

I have not and will not buy the teacher/classroom shit until (if and when) a note is sent home with my student asking for donations.

I did participate in the donation last year of pencils. My kids's classrooms needed pencils. I got two packs of twenty #2 pencils for the teachers for two classrooms. Not a big deal, yanno? I have bought Clorox wipes, tissue boxes things like that and randomly sent them in. I will do that again this year. but these supply lists are the BANE of my existence.

and I didn't even get to the new clothes for the school year!! Thank the Gods for the Mr's momma, because that woman spent over $600 to get my kiddos new clothes for the year. New jeans, new shirts. SIZE FREAKIN THREE SHOES!!!! two pairs of them for Tiger.

Still two weeks til school actually starts... can it be now? Please.... can it be now?

Yup so it's been a minute...

Been a while since I updated. Life has been.... well let's just say, not cooperating well with me as of late. It sucks, but... that's life.

Kids are out of school for the summer, and I've got them working on projects all summer to keep them occupied.

I had each child pick a foreign country to learn about and they're doing a project complete with research, learning the language, and crafts to go along with it.

Tiger picked Mexico, and she's going first. They've already found some good information and they're excited to tell me about everything they've learned. I found seven crafts for them to do, so every three days they'll be doing one.

Today they're coloring Sugar Skulls for Dia de los Muertos . Of course, I'm getting in on the fun of coloring as well.

Tiger's

Angel's

Bug's

And mine

I had them do these first, because their next one will be masks they design after sugar skulls. They'll have fun with that one too :) 

And the finished projects :) 

Tiger's

Angel's

Bug's

And mine :) 

They are having so much fun with this project, and I'm glad I thought of it to keep their brains working over summer break :) 

Confrontations and delays.

So, following up from Friday's post about Bug's school issues, the fiance and I did indeed go to the school yesterday afternoon and sat down with the guidance counselor. She seemed oblivious as to my irritation, until I started speaking about Bug's issues. Then she understood, but kept bringing it around to the conversation I had with Mr. K. That wasn't the issue, and I told her that, but it really didn't seem to sink in.

The biggest issue now is M and C and how they've been bullying my daughter. GC told me that she'd actually spoken to the principal Friday about it, and insisted that the girls needed some sort of discipline. Thank the gods.

I strongly.... well... let me rephrase... DEMANDED that all four girls be brought together in the same room, parents be contacted and brought in, as many as possible, and she, and the principal need to sit in on this. If these girls see all these adults brought together over their actions, maybe it'll stress enough to them that what they're doing -- M&C's bullying, and K's lying -- is WRONG.

During this meeting, I want Mr. K there so he and I can explain our conversation, and let Mr K see his daughter's behavior first hand. I REALLY want Mrs. K to be there as well to see what the lack of discipline has made her child into. BUT Mr. K works for the school district, I know he'll at least be present. So K's words will be outed to the girls who swear K isn't lying.

The guidance counselor is 100% for the meeting with these girls, yet she's still going to stress that not only should this meeting take place but the girls need disciplined as well. I'm in complete agreement. Hopefully the fiance will be able to be present.

I looked the GC in the eyes and said, "I'm urging you to have this meeting set up by the end of the week. Preferably before Friday. Because if this isn't taken care of and finished by the end of the week, I will be back in here, and I will take matters into my own hands." Her eyes widened at me, but my "I'm not fucking kidding" look in my eyes shut her up. I finished with "MY daughter - who takes care of her own business herself - is begging me to step in. Either you help me intervene, or I"ll do it myself."

All the GC could do was say "Understood."

Mutha fucka, I will fuck yo shit up! 

However.... I was expecting to hear from the principal today, but because Ohio forgot how to Winter appropriately... School was closed. So here's hoping I hear from her tomorrow, and this meeting can take place on Thursday. We'll see.

I will put an end to this. Hands are no longer tied, The Tigermom is out.

Hopefully soon I won't have to worry about the girls anymore, and Bug can go back to having a peaceful school environment.

And then we can go back to this instead:

I haven't gotten to write much in the last couple of days, but I need to, badly. Just housework and everything else catching up with me *cries* 

OH! I'm also starting a project with a friend of mine, he runs an IT business here in town, and OMG his office is an OCD nightmare. I don't even have OCD and I twitch going in there. So I'll be organizing it for him and his business partner. I'm makin' em pay me too! LOL Gonna see if they'll be alright letting me post up before and after pics :) 

Til tomorrow! Send some energy my way, would ya? 

A mother's job is never done.

I do everything I can to be a good mom. I'm told that I'm an amazing one, doing a great job with my kids, praised on how well behaved they are in public. I strive to have decent kids who'll grow into responsible and respectful adults. I saw a quote once, I believe it was from Louis CK - I'm raising the adults they will become. I hadn't given it much thought until I read that quote, but it fits my parenting style exactly. I'm working hard to teach them importance of staying on task, teaching them much needed lessons that I didn't have as a child.

I was my mom's only kid, so naturally I was spoiled. But that also meant I had to learn lessons the hard way. The VERY hard way. I want my kids prepared. So I step in very little to help solve problems. I want them to figure it out for themselves, make them think about why something is happening, and what they can do to fix it. Whether it's a toy not cooperating, a fight with a sibling, or even homework. I'll check homework of course, but I want THEM to do it. I had my fill of homework, thank you very much. It's their turn to learn, and how will they learn if I step in and do it for them? Simply giving a child the answer won't help them learn anything.

However...

That being said, my oldest has been having some serious issues this year. It started last year at some point, where her friend K had been telling Bug that her mother didn't like her and Mrs K didn't want bug over there, and didn't want to let K over here to play over the summer. K said many things to Bug that hurt her feelings - though she didn't show it, but as a mom, you can see it in their eyes - but she didn't let it stop her being friends with K.

There was another girl, A, who bullied K relentlessly. Bug was friends with A until she witnessed the bullying happening, then stood up for K, effectively ending that friendship. -- so I was told. Go back to about a month ago, I'm trying to get Bug's friends here for her birthday -- poor girl born 3 days after Christmas... it's not easy for her to have parties. No one RSVPs to her NYE party. It upset ME because I know Bug was upset even if she didn't let it really show.

What upset me more was hearing that K's mother was getting very vocal about Bug, and telling K -- who relayed to Bug -- that Mrs K despised her and didn't want K having ANYTHING to do with Bug. Well that set my hackles up. Mama bear has NOTHING up against Tiger mom. I politely sent a text to Mrs K asking if we could speak to get to the bottom of what was going on, and apologized for Bug if there was something she had done to offend her. Kids will be kids, yanno? Nothing in return. I texted a few more times, NOTHING. Finally two days later I get a call from Mr K. She couldn't even talk to me herself, she sent her husband to talk to me -- who has NO idea what's going through his wife's head or what's going on with his daughter.

He and I spoke, and he informed me that not only has K been lying to Bug about what the mother has been saying, but she's been feeding them a bunch of crap as well. Saying that" A has been staying the night here every weekend, and that we're part of the Illuminati and that A's parents are devil worshippers, and that's why we all get along so well." DIRECT quote from the father. That pissed me the hell off. I let it be known, loud and clear that his daughter is a liar, and perhaps it's time he have an actual talk with her, whether or not he wants to get into the girl drama or not, his daughter is lying to them.

Fast forward to after winter break. Bug is now having issues, because she overheard the conversation between the father and I. She knows everything K has been saying about her, and I know it hurt her down to her soul. She feels betrayed, and I can't help but watch all of this unfold and see the hell I went through my senior year in high school playing out all over again. Bug has two more friends. M and C. C refused to acknowledge ANYTHING from Bug over break, and come to find out it's because K has been lying to C about Bug as well. Then M steps into it, I think she was trying to be peace maker, but when Bug informed M that K has been lying all this time, none of them will believe Bug. She's been trying to talk to the guidance councilor about all of this, pull the girls all down there and talk it out, but it's not going well.

This morning she begged me to come down to the school and talk to K, C, and M and tell them about the conversation had with the father. I told her I can't just go down there and pull three girls who are not related to me out of their classes, no matter how badly I may want to to attempt to stop this foolishness.

Told her that she needs to go to Mrs James first thing this morning when she gets off the bus. Well, apparently she's not easy to find in the morning, so I suggested her going to the office and asking them to page her. Wellll... then she'd have to talk to the new principal instead. I just looked at her and asked her if she really wanted this crap done with. Of course she does... "Then do what you need to do to end this, because I hate seeing you hurting. Do what you have to, and if I'm called, I'll be there in a heart beat." She's worried that if she goes to the principal all the parents will be called. Well, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's what's needed to get all this business into the open.

But regardless, until I get a phone call from the school, I can't do anything to help my baby. It breaks my heart, and puts me on the verge of tears for her. I know this whole situation is bothering her, and hurting her in ways she can't even understand yet. If this concludes with the three girls ceasing their friendship with Bug, I don't know how she'll trust people. For her, with the crap she's been through in the last four years... a lot of it is my fault, moving her around to three different schools in three years... divorcing her father... She's been through hell. and I can do what I need to to try to make things better for her here, encourage her to join clubs and do what she loves to do... But it doesn't mean that she'll adjust easily. it doesn't mean that it'll help her ability to allow people in. She barely lets me in.

Only once has she completely broken down and sobbed in my arms. Oct of 2014. When she gave up on her father because he wasn't showing up for his weekend visitation. I think that's a main reason why she had been keeping the fiance at arm's length for so long. Her own father turned his back on her... who the hell is this new guy, and if her father could do that, he can to, can't get too close.

It just breaks my heart that she's had to grow up and mature as fast and as early as she has. I take the blame for it, believe that I do.

But taking the blame doesn't take her hurt away. It doesn't stop girls from betraying her, it doesn't stop the distrust that will inevitably form in her heart, if it's not there already.

I'm doing my best... but sometimes it feels as if my best isn't enough.