Nightmares suck ass.

So my kids are with their father for two weeks.  That's the bad thing about divorce is I'm forced to give my kids up for a month in the summer. Two weeks in July two in August.  Guess who's not doing that next year? Nope nope nope

So at 7 am I woke up from a rather disturbing nightmare.

It went something like this:

IT was zombie apocalypse.  It was me, all three of my kids, my mom a couple of people from work, and a bunch of people that we like picked up along the way. 
These zombies weren't like the walking dead zombies, or even classic ones.  They were like the ones from the video game Left 4 Dead. There were specialty ones, had special abilities.  The tank - a large over grown being that packs a MAJOR punch. The Charger - had a huge overgrown hand like a club.  Spitters, that have acid for saliva, etc etc etc. Those three were in my nightmare. Keeping my kids safe and running from them.
We got into this "safe house" and climbed up into the attic to get away from them,  somehow trapped them in the house climbed out with the kids, and blew the house up.
We ran somewhere else got into another safe house Down into a basement like area and I had my son in my arms.  Knew my mom and the other people in the group had my girls, trusted these people to keep them with us.  I then saw a copy of my son running toward me. 
One of the zombies coudl shape shift or manipulate your mind to see hallucinations or illusions.  I gripped hold of my son tight and pushed through, ignoring the pulling of my clothes.  Once the last person pushed by I heard a gun shot and immediately started panicking.  Like a panic attack clutching my son. When I was finally able to calm down I looked up at my mom and saw my oldest daughter.  My 6 year old was no where to be found. 
I asked my mom "Where's Lilly?"
She says; "I've been wondering how long it was going to take for you to realize she wasn't with us."

I Blinked, panicked and jerked, I was suddenly awake.

I start moving to go check on my kids only.... I remember, they aren't here. I can't check on them to make sure they're okay. I don't know that Lilly is safe, which makes me panic even more. Immediately I close my eyes, trying to will myself back into the dream to save her, and I can't fall asleep.  I can't save her.

I panic more.

Start sobbing. I mean full body shaking ugly sobbing. Totally the ugly cry.

Somewhere around 7:30 am I briefly thought about calling my ex and demanding to hear my baby's voice to make sure she was safe. 

Thought better of it and cried some more, pulling my pillow into my lap and rocking back and forth. I was a damn mess.  Finally got out of bed a little after 8 am. tried surfing facebook to take my mind off of it while Brian was outside.
He came in and immediately knew something was wrong.  I told him what had happened, and he decoded my dream for me.

Brian was no where to be found, because I know that he would die for my kids and me.  He would protect us, so my brain eliminated him from the equation.
Lilly was the one to come up missing because she said she didn't want to go to her father's Friday.  I couldn't keep her from him... IE protect her... I couldn't protect her in my dream either. 

It hit a serious nerve with me, and even now thinking about the dream makes me tear up.
It's one of my worst fears, not being able to protect my kids.
It terrifies me. -- shown by the crippling panic I felt this morning.

Brian thinks I have sun poisoning.  I've got all the symptoms.  Took the kids to the beach Friday afternoon, and didn't put on sunscreen at all.  Was out there for three and a half hours, and I"m in SERIOUS pain. Once it tans up it'll be NICE but while it's red and NASTY looking, (I mean it looks like it hurts)

I think I"m peeling now..... yaaayyyy lol

True Blood recap later tonight.  Gonna try to do better LOL I know the premiere eppi was bad, I was just pissed because of Tara... lol